Words (working title)

You say I have a way with words

What I think is that words

have their own way of making themselves heard

of telling people what they are, what they really mean

what their direction is

So if you want to come up to me and tell me

that I have a way with words

be prepared because I'm gonna say

"I heard you, but I'm not hurt with your words

because I'm not the one who doesn't know who I am, what I live for

and what I want to do with my life."

Coz you see I know who I am

I know what I live for

I know what I want to do with my life

and that is probably just too many words for you to understand

and you just couldn't comprehend

why a Melayu like me like you can seem so at hand

speaking with a tongue that he wasn't even born with

freely in a fluently expressive way he's not supposed to be seen with

or heard with

or think with

as if he has forgotten the national language that the national consitution

nationally imposed the nation on what is the national language that their nationals

should be nationally conversing with

Do I really have to kiss the and junjung the keris?

well, you may be smart and well educated

a beneficiary of the education that the nation has established and implemented

reading and remembering and following and memorizing

regugitating and vomitting

everything you read and remembered and followed and memorized

in the premier schools, boarding schools, cluster schools that they sterilized

and then in the universities colleges university-colleges college-universities

sponsored by the corporate and government scholarships over here and overseas

well, you may one day become a minister coz you've already memorized the official JPA song

but let me tell you this - You're wrong.

No, no don't worry I'm not blaming you

don't be so defensive I'm not accusing you

don't be so sarcastic I'm not patronizing you

I'm just saying this because I know it's not you

it's not your fault. No, it's not.

It's the education system's.

It's the system that educated you, not yourself

it's the system that did not educate you to educate yourself

so you wouldn't have known

coz you wouldn't have known how

And now, you are part of that system

And you are the people who reads Kosmo and URTV and Pancaindera

And you are the people who can't even commentate a sports match decently in Bahasa

And you are the people that approves blllboards that say

And you are the people who translates "Duck!" to "Itik!" in movie cinemas

And you are the people that translated "Melody" to "melodi" when there is the word "irama"

or "Lyrics" to "lirik" when there is the word "senikata"

And you are the very people that coined "Bahasa Jiwa Bangsa"

And you want to tell me that I'm a traitor to be standing here

speaking in English when you allowed your very souls to be diluted

with direct translations and borrowed syllables that wasn't reflected on and regulated

losing context of what they were supposed to translate and convey

losing the message and meaning somewhere along the way

And still you managed to find some time to tell me that I have a way

with words.

You see there's only one way with words

and that's how they tell us what they are, what they really mean

what their direction is

So me? I know who I am, what I live for and where I want to be

A Melayu who can think in English and yet express himself in Malay

A Melayu who doesn't use moderation as an excuse

and instead puts Malay & his Malayness to better use

because he realizes that his soul is his to lose

if otherwise.

So what about you?

What about you?

Rant

She said she doesn’t believe in love anymore. That one half of her doesn’t even know what love is. She’s depressed. She feels let down by herself. She feels that she can never be that person she thought she could be, that person that she thought she wanted to be, and most importantly, that person that she was. That person that she was was a person in her eyes good enough, a person that had everything in control. A person who knew her limitations and aspirations, her regulations and ambitions, her physical and mental extremities. That was a person in clear and confident understanding of who she was.

And he brought it down. He brought it down by being the typical ignorant, clueless, unrelenting and unwilling Malay guy that he was. It’s okay being Malay, but when you exhibit a quality – a negative quality – that matches & fits all the previous tired descriptions of the typical Malay man, you can’t say that you’re right. Or justified.

How can you justify making love with your wife when she’s crying? How can you justify making love to her while she covers her head so that she won’t see what’s happening to her, as if she feels nothing because that’s the only way she can get away from the monstrosity that you were putting her through? How can you justify getting mad and her and giving her the cold shoulder after telling her that she always cries when you are having your fix, knowing fully well that she’s hurting – physically and emotionally? How can you justify all the above without even having any semblance of foreplay? No stroking, no kissing, no rubbing, no massaging, no fondling, no nibbling. Just a plain straight up take-your-clothes-off-let-me-touch-that-breast-like-how-the-Japanese-chap-was-touching-Maria-Ozawa before spreading her legs, taking aim and forcing your way in.

And you say she didn’t understand you. Nobody understands sadists, you moron.

And you tried to kiss her but she didn’t let you? That means something’s wrong, you clueless git. And that something can’t be solved, cured, resolved by bloody sticking your dick into her dry pussy because her brain isn’t there, you lame excuse of an SPM Biology A1 student. You brain might hanging just under your testicles but her brain isn’t situated anywhere near her torso, if you know where that is.

Oh sorry, you don’t. How unfair of me.

She didn’t love you anymore. You didn’t listen. She doesn’t want you anymore. You didn’t listen. So you used the binding rule that the wife is the property of the husband to the point that disgraces all pious & abiding Muslims – not that it’s a first because we seem to be settled to living with that nowadays, everywhere in the world especially in the somewhat backward-like community in the Middle East – to their very core, contributing to the contradictory and unflattering view that Muslims are barbaric, violent and uncompromising.

Wives or females can’t do that? Ask yourself this question – who the fuck started the whole pre-marital sex thing? Oh, she relented? Please go look for the fucking dictionary and check for the meaning of the word relent. It means she gave in, it doesn’t mean that she wanted it. This is not some fucking Japanese Lolita porn where the girl acts – key operative word, since it’s a bloody porn movie clip – like she didn’t want it at first but at last succumbs to your fucking sexual prowess. Sexual prowess my arse, any bloody sex expert will tell you foreplay is important, next to lubricants & the bloody vagina getting wet. If she had wanted it like how you bloody fantasized for your entire high school life you pervert, you would’ve cum 5 times over in your pants before you even had the slightest idea what the hell was she doing flinging her bra while flashing her boobs in her panties in front of you like that. And if you were any good, you’d have been in the porn movie you downloaded you asshole.

Oh, and she didn’t say anything during other times after that? Well, check you fucking RAM of a memory you idiot. She did, but you didn’t listen.

Fuck off.

Do you treat your fucking PC that you download porn with such barbaric expression? Do you – in you fit of rage when your PC is slower than usual because you’ve left it on for 2 and a half days downloading porn, movies, porn, games, porn, TV series, porn and oh yeah! The Desperate Housewives that you thought you saw her watching at her in-laws when she was bored just because she’s just a bloody trophy of a wife just so that you’ve downloaded something for her too (cukup syarat) – violently shake, emotionlessly literally fuck your PC even though your university degree granted knowledge tells you that the PC’s just bloody worn out?

Do you treat your PC like that?

No you don’t you SOB. Your PC is important because it keeps plenty of the great memories of you demented, lacking, narrow-minded, twisted teenage years that you enjoyed.

I’m not here to judge – I’ve done that already. I’m here to ask you just one simple question: If and when you know, a jerk out there is treating or have treated your sisters, female cousins, close female friends, daughter, granddaughters, best friend’s daughter like that, how would you feel?

You’d feel angry, wouldn’t you? You’d feel like smashing their heads to the wall, pry their ears off and yell will a loudhailer at the top of your voice into that cavity which previously had their ears at the top of your lungs and more and ask them this question – “What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

Right?

Right.

Now go to your room, go in front of the mirror and do the above.

And don’t you fucking dare weep you worthless SOB.

And before I forget, just remind yourself.

Don’t forget to fuck yourself after that.

P.S: If you don’t the above, don’t worry. You’re still fine. Just remember, when one day what goes around finally comes around and you hear it happening to someone close to you, just don’t forget to fucking reflect and realize that you might have gotten the ball rolling yourself. And don’t feel remorse or regretful, your life ain’t worth a fucking novel, let alone a *porn* movie.