Yeay!
I wrote another piece.
Well in.
Felt really good. Already I've developed and expanded my current work in progress - a tentively 4-parter mini opus on Rafa. This is my effort of understanding the man, his history, his footballing philosophy and his career so far, as a big f**k you to all doubters out there.
I've got nothing against his (IMO) wrong decisions - okay, it did make me tear my hair out - but he doesn't make decisions after consulting palm readers or astrologists.
He makes informed, and calculated decisions.
If we are unable to back-calculate his decisions because we either lack his insight, foresight, knowledge, wisdom or the whole DVD collection of matches, scoutings etc, then before we even question him, let's try questioning ourselves for possible answers.
I'm not saying his unquestionable, but Rafa's always been someone who's struck me as having a reason for everything.
So, just because of that, for the man's dignity, integrity and 'kwalitee', I will be right beside, not behind him.
Hell, this Saturday couldn't come any sooner.
YNWA.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
seni.VERBAL - KEJADIAN 1
Ini adalah sebuah puisi yang ku tulis sewaktu ustaz di kursus kahwin yang ku hadiri hujung minggu lepas sedang bercakap tentang Aqidah, yang merupakan salah satu modul dalam kursus itu.
Ilhamnya timbul ketika beliau menyentuh tentang qada' dan qadar.
KEJADIAN 1
Aku
Aku?
Aku...
Aku
Aku
Aku
Aku.
Tetap.
Aku tetap
Tetap aku.
Tetap. Aku.
Tetap
menetap di sini
Aku tetap.
Di sini.
Di
Di
Tetap.
Aku tetap
Tetap aku.
Tetap. Aku.
Tetap.
ditetapkan ketetapan yang menetapkan
Aku
tetap.
Di sini.
Tetap di sini.
Aku
Aku?
Aku...
Aku
Aku
Aku
Aku.
Ilhamnya timbul ketika beliau menyentuh tentang qada' dan qadar.
KEJADIAN 1
Aku
Aku?
Aku...
Aku
Aku
Aku
Aku.
Tetap.
Aku tetap
Tetap aku.
Tetap. Aku.
Tetap
menetap di sini
Aku tetap.
Di sini.
Di
Di
Tetap.
Aku tetap
Tetap aku.
Tetap. Aku.
Tetap.
ditetapkan ketetapan yang menetapkan
Aku
tetap.
Di sini.
Tetap di sini.
Aku
Aku?
Aku...
Aku
Aku
Aku
Aku.
Friday, November 13, 2009
I'm published !!!
Well, sort of.
I didn't get into a book, magazine nor a newspaper but instead just a local Liverpool FC blog/webbie called http://www.my-rawk.com/.
These guys are a bunch of die-hard & passionate Malaysian Liverpool FC supporters who met up on www.redandwhitekop.com/forum around 5 years ago and decided to stick around since. It's as close as I can get to being a proper Liverpool FC supporter over on this side of the world.
These guys know all the songs. And nothing beats singing along with them during matches.
I just wish that everyone else who comes learns the songs up. You ain't a supporter if you don't sing. You'd just be a fan.
Anyways, it's about bloody time I got my stuff on the team up.
Even though this doesn't really count since it's not even an official blog/webbie for writers, at least it's a good start. I told myself that I'd write a weekly column at the beginning of the season but 14 weeks have passed and I've basically only pissed myself after matches, barely even touching the keyboard.
So here goes to me, and Liverpool FC.
And oh by the way, you've probably read the article, but it's here.
The season has just begun.
I didn't get into a book, magazine nor a newspaper but instead just a local Liverpool FC blog/webbie called http://www.my-rawk.com/.
These guys are a bunch of die-hard & passionate Malaysian Liverpool FC supporters who met up on www.redandwhitekop.com/forum around 5 years ago and decided to stick around since. It's as close as I can get to being a proper Liverpool FC supporter over on this side of the world.
These guys know all the songs. And nothing beats singing along with them during matches.
I just wish that everyone else who comes learns the songs up. You ain't a supporter if you don't sing. You'd just be a fan.
Anyways, it's about bloody time I got my stuff on the team up.
Even though this doesn't really count since it's not even an official blog/webbie for writers, at least it's a good start. I told myself that I'd write a weekly column at the beginning of the season but 14 weeks have passed and I've basically only pissed myself after matches, barely even touching the keyboard.
So here goes to me, and Liverpool FC.
And oh by the way, you've probably read the article, but it's here.
The season has just begun.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Buang Tebiat
Kenapa senang sangat nak buang tebiat?
Satu soalan yang paradox pada aku. Sebab jikalau kita sedang merujuk kepada betapa senangnya untuk kita meninggalkan tebiat-tebiat kita yang bagus-bagus, elok-elok, yang bermanfaat (yang memangnya ingin aku ketengahkan ini), memang betul soalan itu - sebab memang senang sangat.
Tapi kalau kita merujuk pula kepada maksud simpulan bahasa itu sendiri, iaitu seseorang yang berlakuan lain macam atau tidak seperti dirinya yang biasa maka jawapannya pula bertentangan - sebab memang bukan mudah.
Tengok ajal.
Jadi sekarang kenapa senang sangat nak buang tebiat, tapi kalau nak buat tebiat, sangatlah susah?
Dah berapa kali hati kita semua terdetik kepada diri kita sendiri, atau kita nyatakan kepada kawan-kawan kita ayat-ayat yang berbunyi seperti ini - "tular...aku dulu rajin baca suratkhabar, tapi sekarang nih dah kurang dah/tak baca dah..." diikuti dengan sebab-musabab kenapa tabiat itu sudah kita tinggalkan. Ada yang sangat jujur tentang sebab-musabab ini - malas, tak larat, penat - manakala ada pula yang agak berkias dan berahsia - "alaa...biasa lah...". Ada pula yang lebih gemar memberikan alasan - tak cukup masa, sibuk.
Tapi itu semua bukan tujuan nukilan ini.
Nukilan ini cuma ingin berkongsi satu persoalan, iaitu persoalan di atas, dan cuba menyingkap rahsia di sebalik fenomena kemanusiaan ini.
Kalau nak diikutkan Newton's Law - Every motion tends to stay in motion, unless acted upon an outside force.
Jadi kalau aku samakan tebiat kita yang telah kita tinggalkan itu dengan motion, maka persoalannya apakah outside force itu?
Iblis kah? (this would be too predictable an answer)
Peer pressure kah?
Family influence kah?
Ataupun - barangkali ini jawapan popular bagi mereka-mereka yang gemar berfikir - diri kita sendiri?
Aku pelik.
Kerana di sini pasti ramai yang telah menjawab persoalan di atas itu, samada dengan jawapan-jawapan yang aku senaraikan di atas ini, atau pun jawapan-jawapan lain yang lebih bernas dan profound dari jawapan-jawapan cliche aku di atas.
Siapakah yang cliche sebenarnya?
Sebab jawapan aku kepada persoalan di atas, yang merujuk kepada Newton's Law itu, bukanlah satu jawapan pun. Malah sebenarnya ianya merupakan satu soalan (I don't give a damn to "Don't answer a question with a question". Sorry).
Kenapa "unless" itu sentiasa saja ada?
Satu soalan yang paradox pada aku. Sebab jikalau kita sedang merujuk kepada betapa senangnya untuk kita meninggalkan tebiat-tebiat kita yang bagus-bagus, elok-elok, yang bermanfaat (yang memangnya ingin aku ketengahkan ini), memang betul soalan itu - sebab memang senang sangat.
Tapi kalau kita merujuk pula kepada maksud simpulan bahasa itu sendiri, iaitu seseorang yang berlakuan lain macam atau tidak seperti dirinya yang biasa maka jawapannya pula bertentangan - sebab memang bukan mudah.
Tengok ajal.
Jadi sekarang kenapa senang sangat nak buang tebiat, tapi kalau nak buat tebiat, sangatlah susah?
Dah berapa kali hati kita semua terdetik kepada diri kita sendiri, atau kita nyatakan kepada kawan-kawan kita ayat-ayat yang berbunyi seperti ini - "tular...aku dulu rajin baca suratkhabar, tapi sekarang nih dah kurang dah/tak baca dah..." diikuti dengan sebab-musabab kenapa tabiat itu sudah kita tinggalkan. Ada yang sangat jujur tentang sebab-musabab ini - malas, tak larat, penat - manakala ada pula yang agak berkias dan berahsia - "alaa...biasa lah...". Ada pula yang lebih gemar memberikan alasan - tak cukup masa, sibuk.
Tapi itu semua bukan tujuan nukilan ini.
Nukilan ini cuma ingin berkongsi satu persoalan, iaitu persoalan di atas, dan cuba menyingkap rahsia di sebalik fenomena kemanusiaan ini.
Kalau nak diikutkan Newton's Law - Every motion tends to stay in motion, unless acted upon an outside force.
Jadi kalau aku samakan tebiat kita yang telah kita tinggalkan itu dengan motion, maka persoalannya apakah outside force itu?
Iblis kah? (this would be too predictable an answer)
Peer pressure kah?
Family influence kah?
Ataupun - barangkali ini jawapan popular bagi mereka-mereka yang gemar berfikir - diri kita sendiri?
Aku pelik.
Kerana di sini pasti ramai yang telah menjawab persoalan di atas itu, samada dengan jawapan-jawapan yang aku senaraikan di atas ini, atau pun jawapan-jawapan lain yang lebih bernas dan profound dari jawapan-jawapan cliche aku di atas.
Siapakah yang cliche sebenarnya?
Sebab jawapan aku kepada persoalan di atas, yang merujuk kepada Newton's Law itu, bukanlah satu jawapan pun. Malah sebenarnya ianya merupakan satu soalan (I don't give a damn to "Don't answer a question with a question". Sorry).
Kenapa "unless" itu sentiasa saja ada?
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
seni.VOKAL - Untitled #6
I finally "found" the lyrics to this song!!! I've written around 8 months back, but couldn't find the words for it, even though I knew what it was meant to sing about.
It was inspired by Sheila Majid's Ku Mohon, and takes a much more bare and simple look/sound/feel to it, although the lyrics does have a hint of deeper meaning and significance.
The perfect lounge music. Now I just need to find a female lead to sing the song. Any takers?
Untitled #6
Melodi : Jamal Raslan
Lirik : Jamal Raslan
Oh Tuhan, dengarkanlah batin ku
yang dahagakan cahaya mu
Oh Tuhan, ingatkanlah diri ku
yang leka mengejar dunia
Walaupun ku sedar
sesungguhnya sukar
untuk ku menghalau resah gusar yang ku rasai
Mungkin ianya begitu
Atau hanya diriku
Menanti masa, bermain cinta, menunggu damai yang datang
Oh Tuhan, ingatilah diri ku
moga ku di dalam rahmat Mu
Walaupun ku sedar
sesungguhnya sukar
namun ku takkan diduga-cabar yang tak dapat ku harungi
Mungkin ianya begitu
Atau hanya diriku
Menanti masa, bermain cinta, menunggu damai yang datang
Mungkin aku keliru
Atau hanya mimpiku
Mengikut rasa, membayang bahagia, menyangka rahmat yang datang
Aku menyedari
Aku akui
yang kita hanya manusia saja
tiada hak ketahui
Mungkin ianya begitu
Atau hanya diriku
Menanti masa, bermain cinta, menunggu damai yang datang
Mungkin aku keliru
Atau hanya mimpiku
Mengikut rasa, membayang bahagia, menyangka rahmat yang datang
It was inspired by Sheila Majid's Ku Mohon, and takes a much more bare and simple look/sound/feel to it, although the lyrics does have a hint of deeper meaning and significance.
The perfect lounge music. Now I just need to find a female lead to sing the song. Any takers?
Untitled #6
Melodi : Jamal Raslan
Lirik : Jamal Raslan
Oh Tuhan, dengarkanlah batin ku
yang dahagakan cahaya mu
Oh Tuhan, ingatkanlah diri ku
yang leka mengejar dunia
Walaupun ku sedar
sesungguhnya sukar
untuk ku menghalau resah gusar yang ku rasai
Mungkin ianya begitu
Atau hanya diriku
Menanti masa, bermain cinta, menunggu damai yang datang
Oh Tuhan, ingatilah diri ku
moga ku di dalam rahmat Mu
Walaupun ku sedar
sesungguhnya sukar
namun ku takkan diduga-cabar yang tak dapat ku harungi
Mungkin ianya begitu
Atau hanya diriku
Menanti masa, bermain cinta, menunggu damai yang datang
Mungkin aku keliru
Atau hanya mimpiku
Mengikut rasa, membayang bahagia, menyangka rahmat yang datang
Aku menyedari
Aku akui
yang kita hanya manusia saja
tiada hak ketahui
Mungkin ianya begitu
Atau hanya diriku
Menanti masa, bermain cinta, menunggu damai yang datang
Mungkin aku keliru
Atau hanya mimpiku
Mengikut rasa, membayang bahagia, menyangka rahmat yang datang
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
seni.VERBAL - Say (Inspired by John Mayer)
I wrote this sometime back, all while haivng John Mayer's "Say" playing in my head the entire time.
It's simply about the things that you couldn't say, and how much you can say until you've realized there's left for you to say but the thing that you actually needed to say.
Say (Inspired by John Mayer)
You always say the things you need to say
A lot of the times the things that you say
are things that needed saying anyway
It's not an issue of something that needed saying
It doesn't make a difference if you do say it
the difference was something that you expected anyway
It's also not an issue of you not saying it
because whatever you end up saying
was something that you needed to say anyway
And when you've said what you thought you needed to say
you'd think that you've said everything that you needed to say
But when saying what you needed to say isn't the issue
whatever you've said was everything else you needed to say
and when you've said everything else you needed to say
you're left with the only thing that you need to say
and while you pointlessly wonder is there anything else you could say
to avoid saying the only thing left for you to say
you realize that the only thing that you needed to say
was the only thing that you couldn't say.
It's simply about the things that you couldn't say, and how much you can say until you've realized there's left for you to say but the thing that you actually needed to say.
Say (Inspired by John Mayer)
You always say the things you need to say
A lot of the times the things that you say
are things that needed saying anyway
It's not an issue of something that needed saying
It doesn't make a difference if you do say it
the difference was something that you expected anyway
It's also not an issue of you not saying it
because whatever you end up saying
was something that you needed to say anyway
And when you've said what you thought you needed to say
you'd think that you've said everything that you needed to say
But when saying what you needed to say isn't the issue
whatever you've said was everything else you needed to say
and when you've said everything else you needed to say
you're left with the only thing that you need to say
and while you pointlessly wonder is there anything else you could say
to avoid saying the only thing left for you to say
you realize that the only thing that you needed to say
was the only thing that you couldn't say.
No matter what happens, I will be published by 23rd September 2010.
No matter what happens, I will be published by 23rd September 2010.
That's going to be my 29th birthday. Not bad for a birthday present for myself. I could've gone down the typical, predictable and easy road of chosing anything I could afford from the entire shopping mall or pampered myself with a nice weekend or holiday getaway somewhere I've been meaning to go or even just spend it with my loved ones. But no.
No matter what happens, I will be published by 23rd September 2010. Great if the news reaches me on that - would be - fateful day, or even if I made before that. It doesn't matter, an extra birthday gift on top of the early birthday gift wouldn't be too bad. In fact, it'll probably make it the best birthday ever in my life so far. Not that these kind of things bother me. They don't.
You see, I'm not fond of birthdays.
Should I be? Maybe. Why shouldn't I be, right? It's not a bad thing to be fond of, great memories make lovely company. I recently have made myself a friend-for-keeps, and in one of our lepak sessions she was recounting what happened during her birthdays - what did she do for the 21st birthday, where she was when she turned 22, how boring it was when she had 24th, the colourful & exciting one that she had at 12 and a few more milestones.
I got jealous.
Not because her birthdays sounded better than the ones I had, but because she was able to remember them, and be able to recount them. For the next 10 minutes of our lepak session, my consciousness was split into two. While one stayed with my present self, the other skimmed through my memories for any recollections of any of my birthdays that were celebrated.
Could hardly find one.
And as that realisation hit me, it became clear to me what I've been missing in my life - not birthday parties, not birthday gifts, not birthday bashes, but actually what those birthdays were supposed to mean in the first place - my achievements and accomplishments, where I've been and how far I've come in life.
Birthdays like many other dates in life, are markers. No matter how different birthdays are observed depending on the myriad religions, races, cultures or traditions alive in this world, it's significance will always be the same - where are you now and what you've done in the past year.
I'm not unhappy that my birthdays weren't celebrated like many others'. Not that I needed my birthdays to celebrated to quell this thirst for attention and acceptance, I've lived long enough without those to see the rest of my life through. I undertand perfectly well how my parents are, and what sort of condition our family was in back when I was young enough for my birthdays to be celebrated with parties. This isn't about me getting back at them.
This is about me realizing that I need markers in my life. Even if no one else marks my life, I should be marking them. It's my life, after all. And after going through 28 years of life where there has been so many - just so many - could haves, I'm just tired of it all. Tired of the constant last minute effort, tired of the lonely consoling of myself disappointment after disappointment, tired of living with everyone's reservations and impressions as a failing excuse to not think big about myself.
Tired of myself.
So I will mark my life with a big accomplishment. There have been many worthy markers in my life, but those have been left in time's safekeep, meant only for my future wisdom. I've always failed to keep my word, and I've always been a coward. I've always flattered to deceive, and I've always said more than I've actually done. And though things might not change that much in a little less than a year, it's still worthy of an effort. It's my life, after all. And since I've been told that I make a good writer, and that I do write occasionally, and that I love writing and reading, I don't care if I'm going to be laughed at, ridiculed, sneered, scoffed at. I know I've got things to say about this world, and I know that I can make the world a little bit better.
No matter what happens, I will be published by23rd September 2010.
That's going to be my 29th birthday. Not bad for a birthday present for myself. I could've gone down the typical, predictable and easy road of chosing anything I could afford from the entire shopping mall or pampered myself with a nice weekend or holiday getaway somewhere I've been meaning to go or even just spend it with my loved ones. But no.
No matter what happens, I will be published by 23rd September 2010. Great if the news reaches me on that - would be - fateful day, or even if I made before that. It doesn't matter, an extra birthday gift on top of the early birthday gift wouldn't be too bad. In fact, it'll probably make it the best birthday ever in my life so far. Not that these kind of things bother me. They don't.
You see, I'm not fond of birthdays.
Should I be? Maybe. Why shouldn't I be, right? It's not a bad thing to be fond of, great memories make lovely company. I recently have made myself a friend-for-keeps, and in one of our lepak sessions she was recounting what happened during her birthdays - what did she do for the 21st birthday, where she was when she turned 22, how boring it was when she had 24th, the colourful & exciting one that she had at 12 and a few more milestones.
I got jealous.
Not because her birthdays sounded better than the ones I had, but because she was able to remember them, and be able to recount them. For the next 10 minutes of our lepak session, my consciousness was split into two. While one stayed with my present self, the other skimmed through my memories for any recollections of any of my birthdays that were celebrated.
Could hardly find one.
And as that realisation hit me, it became clear to me what I've been missing in my life - not birthday parties, not birthday gifts, not birthday bashes, but actually what those birthdays were supposed to mean in the first place - my achievements and accomplishments, where I've been and how far I've come in life.
Birthdays like many other dates in life, are markers. No matter how different birthdays are observed depending on the myriad religions, races, cultures or traditions alive in this world, it's significance will always be the same - where are you now and what you've done in the past year.
I'm not unhappy that my birthdays weren't celebrated like many others'. Not that I needed my birthdays to celebrated to quell this thirst for attention and acceptance, I've lived long enough without those to see the rest of my life through. I undertand perfectly well how my parents are, and what sort of condition our family was in back when I was young enough for my birthdays to be celebrated with parties. This isn't about me getting back at them.
This is about me realizing that I need markers in my life. Even if no one else marks my life, I should be marking them. It's my life, after all. And after going through 28 years of life where there has been so many - just so many - could haves, I'm just tired of it all. Tired of the constant last minute effort, tired of the lonely consoling of myself disappointment after disappointment, tired of living with everyone's reservations and impressions as a failing excuse to not think big about myself.
Tired of myself.
So I will mark my life with a big accomplishment. There have been many worthy markers in my life, but those have been left in time's safekeep, meant only for my future wisdom. I've always failed to keep my word, and I've always been a coward. I've always flattered to deceive, and I've always said more than I've actually done. And though things might not change that much in a little less than a year, it's still worthy of an effort. It's my life, after all. And since I've been told that I make a good writer, and that I do write occasionally, and that I love writing and reading, I don't care if I'm going to be laughed at, ridiculed, sneered, scoffed at. I know I've got things to say about this world, and I know that I can make the world a little bit better.
No matter what happens, I will be published by23rd September 2010.
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